By Shahzeen Shivdasani
Urban Dictionary defines the term “cushioning” as “a dating technique where, along with your main piece, you also have several ‘cushions;’ other people you’ll chat and flirt with to cushion the potential blow of your main breakup and not leave you alone.” So, basically as a generation, we are so afraid of getting hurt that having backups, who we are not interested in, serves as cushioning to the blow of possible heartbreak? People use this term in many ways. Let us look at the common two.
If you are in a relationship that doesn’t truly make you happy: One of the things people do in this situation is to have a person on the side who they treat as an option. Someone who makes them feel secure and happy. And, although they are not getting intimate with this person, this allows them to get their feel-good factor from outside their relationship. They can then go back to the person they love and probably get a good night’s sleep. Is that what relationships have now come to? Let’s stay in the bad relationship and find happiness elsewhere? Isn’t this what we call “emotional cheating?”
Beginning stages of dating: People are so excited about the new person in their life that they don’t want to show them any personality traits that could be considered negative. So, if you are the type of man/woman who anxiously waits by their phone or are eager to set up the next date or feel you may come off needy, then by the use of “cushioning,” you force yourself to go on other dates with someone you are not that interested in. The point is that it doesn’t matter where your daily feel-good dose is coming from, as long as it’s coming.
Yes, my friends, this is what dating has come to! However, what we fail to see is that by doing this, you are not really giving your relationship a fair chance. If you are unhappy, understand that the love you have built up in your head is now over. I know it is easier said than done, but living in denial is considered weak behavior. And, unfortunately, life is tough. Your strength is being tested, and the least you can do is try to come out on the other side. But, you have to try!
Also, as I repeatedly say, your feel-good factor has to come from within. We try everything possible in the dating world to get that one person we want.
However, we don’t do anything to work on ourselves. And, ironically, time and again, it always comes back to that one factor. Find other things in your life that make you happy. So that when something makes you unhappy, you know how to walk away.
Eventually, the person you date is going to get to know all of you. The relationship is either going to work out or not work out. Keeping someone else to cushion the blow of your own insecurities will leave you with having to deal with them.
At the end of the day, if we keep finding ways to not deal with our inner crazy, then how can we expect someone to be crazy about us?
About the Author
Shahzeen Shivdasani is a Relationship Expert & Millennial Author of the book Love, Lust and Lemons.
